A lot of things have been happening in my life for quite some time now and I am seeking ways of coping and changing, which has led me to this big question of what do I believe in? And I’m not talking about believing in myself, that is something I am working on and is a whole other subject. I am talking about spiritually, what do I believe in?
I want to start off by saying that I never get in religious battles and would never judge someone else’s culture or beliefs.
The world is not black and white. People can do bad things but that does not necessarily mean they are a bad person. The world is so quick to judge and religion is very guilty of this.
I was brought up Catholic and went to Catholic school and was TOLD to believe in God, Heaven and Hell, Angels, and that all powerful Devil. I can say with all honesty that I absolutely believe in the Devil and Hell, and I can’t give up believing in God, Angels, and Heaven, but without actual proof it makes me wonder. No one really knows and I hate that. I don’t want to take someone else’s word for it. I need some sign that what I have been brought up to believe is true. I have not been a churchgoer, religious, or spiritual for very many years, but I do pray and would like to know that I am sending my energy in the right direction. All these support groups tell you to hand over your life and have faith in your “HIGHER POWER”, but who’s to say who that is. It could be God, but it could also be Buddha, Allah, spirits, or witch pagan beliefs……whatever floats your boat….honestly, I don’t judge.
The whole subject of religion is so baffling…… Some people don’t believe in anything. Some people think there is no God and we just go into nothingness for eternity. Some people believe in reincarnation. There are so many different beliefs out there, but no one knows for certain. I am not a person who likes surprises……I want to know!
Then I have recently encountered and am still dealing with a “psychic” in a situation that is dear to my heart. I want to believe I am open-minded and I want to believe in people who can speak to the dead, or spirits, but this particular “psychic” is blatantly full of shit…..a big fake! And the thing is is that she has EVERYONE around her fooled. It is so upsetting to me. Has the whole world gone insane and I’m the only sane person left (that is a truly frightening thought!)It makes me very sad that this is all so conflicting for me. I have discovered that being surrounded by bullshit and liars all my life has made me untrusting of pretty much everyone and everything. I need to believe in something, but I also need proof. I need to see it, feel it, or experience whatever it is for myself in order to believe it. I don’t want to go through life not believing in anything, I need to believe in something. I want to learn to trust in someone or something.
Has any of this made sense? I tried to stay on the subject and not ramble, but putting into words how I feel is very hard. I do feel a little better for expressing it……yet, I still have no answers. SIGH……..life would be so much simpler if we could all just be vampires…….