THIS WHITNEY HOUSTON THING…….

For starters, you should know that I am known by my friends as the Celebrity Grim Reaper.  I start obsessing and goggling.   Whitney Houston is no exception.

I have gone through all ranges of emotions with this one. When I first heard she died I was shocked, which later led to anger, then jealousy, then sadness, and  then maybe anger again.  One thing remained the same, I was obsessed with everything Whitney.

I was sad she died, but let’s be honest, we all saw it coming years ago.  But it is a tragedy.

I will say that I am angry.  I am angry because she had everything and she threw it all away.   I cannot judge her, I have not walked in her shoes, but in my current state of struggling and suffering I cannot help but feel anger.

She had everything.  She had good looks, she had talent, she had her faith, and she had a large support group of people who loved her and had her back no matter what.    According to the interviews I watched she seemed like she was in denial and extremely stubborn.  She seemed to me to be very stoic when it came to big and emotional things.  I think you need to have a good cry and break something every once in awhile….not that I’m an expert, trust me, I’m a mess!

Her faith was very admirable.   I am envious of that.  I wish I had such faith.  But it also goes to show that not all the faith in the world could save her…..no wonder we all have doubts.   A religion discussion is for another day…….

I think the circumstances in her life, the lifestyle, the pressure, and most of all that rotten ex-husband of hers led to her drug addictions.   But she was a grown up person and no one forced those drugs down her throat or told her to smoke those cigarettes.  So she had choices and she made the wrong ones and paid the ultimate price.   Again, I did not walk in her shoes, and I have no right to judge.

And I do understand the hold that addictions have on you.   I come from a long line of alcoholics, so trust me, I know.   So you could say it is her fault, but not her fault.   Again, we did not walk in her shoes.

I watched her funeral on Saturday …..was glued to the TV for hours and have to say, was balling my eyes out.  It was beautiful.  I felt like I spent the afternoon in church.   What struck me the most was all the people who loved her and had her back no matter what.   They loved her unconditionally.   I wish I had people that had my back.  I only have one (and you know who you are), and that is more than most, but I was having a pity party for myself on Saturday afternoon.  I felt so depressed.   She had achieved so much her short time here on earth and was so loved.  Yes, she had pain and addictions, but she had a lot of love and joy.   I don’t think I have ever really had joy and my life is a train wreck!

It makes me mad that people call her names and say bad things about her because she did drugs.  She is only human and none of us are without our flaws and weaknesses.  And she was a talent in her day and an inspiration to a lot of people, and that can never be taken away from her.  Me I’m all over the place with my feelings, but the bottom line for me is I hope she really is up there with the angels singing and with her friend, Michael Jackson, who if there is such a thing as a heavenly gate, was up there waiting for her when she arrived.  Whitney deserves some everlasting peace.